On this post you will read how I had some fun with those idiots behind the Inheritance Scam being played out on Instagram and other places around the Internet. You may also want to check out my scamming-the-scammers archives for more similar posts, and especially this very funny story of how I scammed a bunch of real-world Indian scammers while on a trip to Rajasthan, India, earning some cash and free meals in the process.
While looking into the Instagram App’s features the other day, I came across its spam folder for the first time. I started to scroll down abstractedly through all the promoting bullshit that was holed up in there. Amongst the great variety of messages sent to me by all sorts of bots and idiots, I finally bumped into one that caught my attention.
This one message was not about promotion. Without even opening it, by the first line alone, it made a clear point of being a scamming attempt. It smelled like fun!
I opened the message and checked up the sender. It was sent by the account @thelordisgood2001, under the name Wilson Carol. The profile picture depicted a kind-looking, old lady holding a big bouquet of flowers. They had followed a couple of large, hardcore, lunatic Christian preachers’ accounts, and had set off looking for some bigger idiots than themselves. This account is still active at the time of writing. Still trying apparently…
The message read as follows:
Calvary Greetings…i am sorry… i am new to instagram and i opened it because of the dream i had where the lord showed me a vision, a mission you and i need to accomplish, the Angel appeared to me in a dream to get someone to take over my wealth as i do not have much time on earth, so the person can use my wealth wisely and take some to the needy.
The inheritance scam. What a cheap try. This is an old one, long predating the Internet. I thought scammers nowadays could be much more creative than this. Anyways, in case someone is still not aware of this trivial scam, the main idea is this: A bedridden, rich, old person without heirs contacts you so to let you know that they’re looking for someone trustful to take over their fortune and give it to charity. In the process, they will ask you to send them some money upfront for the funds to be released from the bank or whatever crap they might come up with.
No matter how unsophisticated a try, it still presented an opportunity for a good laugh. So I reply:
Hey Carol,
Alright, tell me more about it. Do you happen to know which particular angel it was? Gabriel perhaps? And why are you telling me this? Is there something I can do with regard to it?
It had taken me a couple of weeks to unearth and answer this message. It took them a couple of hours to get back to me:
Firstly, I think I would start with a proper introduction of myself. I am Mrs. Carol Wilson, a widow to Late David Wilson. I am 72 years old, suffering from long time cancer of the breast.
From all medical indications, my condition is really deteriorating and is quite obvious that I may not live more than two months according to my doctor, because the stage at which my cancer is (Level 4), it is so critical and has gone to a very severe stage. My personal physician told me that I may not live for more than 2 months and I am sometimes scared about it.
Beloved contact me in my email [email protected] I will tell you more about myself and the great mission the lord want you and I to accomplished.
I compose a new email, I title it ‘The Mission’, and I send it to address above:
My most sincere condolences about your condition Mrs. Carol Wilson.
This is Dimi. You contacted me on Instagram.
Don’t need you be scared. I am sure our Lord and Savior His Majesty Jesus Christ, His Father, the Holy Spirit, Holy Mary His Mother, the Angels, the Saints, and the Virgins will take ample care of such a good lady as you.
Since cruel fate brought about this sorrowful outcome for your passing from this sinful world, I would like to ask you for a favor. There is that one Saint. Saint Christophorus Cynocephalus. He is my protector Saint. He is basically an Orthodox Saint. And I suppose you must be Catholic or Protestant. Many Fathers argue that this is not the case, but I trust the words of Father Agathodorus, who is quite an authority in such matters, and has made it clear that all Christian Saints abide in the same one and real paradise. It’s only Atheists, Gays, Muslims, Indians and Chinese who are left out. So I’m pretty sure you will meet Saint Christophorus Cynocephalus sooner or later. Would you be so kind to pass my greetings and many thanks on to him?
Yes, go on Mrs. Carol Wilson. You can tell me everything you want. I will pray every night for you. Do I guess well that Archangel Gabriel appeared in your dream and assigned you a holy mission?
And Mrs. Wilson’s like:
I’ll start with a proper introduction of myself, my name is Carol Wilson, a widow to late Mr. David Wilson. I am 73 years of age, suffering from stage 4 cancer, I am presently bedridden here at the hospital in London, United Kingdom where I was transferred for intensive care and treatment, from medical indications my condition is really deteriorating and it’s obvious that I may not have much time left according to the doctors recent report because the stage at which my cancer is now is very severe and sometimes it frightens me, especially when the pain gets unbearable.
My late husband and I both grew up in a motherless/orphan home in Scotland and with God’s permission we got married and moved to Sydney, Australia where we lived happily to the glory of God, we never had children of our own due to one medical problem or the other and we accepted it because the bible says in 1Thessalonians 5:18 “In every situation give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you”, since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home even though I wish I had. It is late now you know as age is no longer on my side, so I decided to dedicate my life to christ as he died for me even before I ever existed.
After I have been diagnosed of cancer and was about going to the hospital to be admitted and bedridden, I started giving out our properties and belongings to the homeless people on the street because they were no longer useful to me and I had no relations to inherit them. Presently my medical bills are being taken care of by my Health insurance company and the only wealth I still have is the $5,000,000 USD that was deposited at the bank as fixed deposit by my husband and I some few years ago. I have been thinking of what to do with this money since my illness but haven’t gotten a proper idea, my most fear is giving it to the wrong person. I am a very prayerful person and it was when I was praying some days ago that the Lord revealed to me, I don’t know if I should call it a dream or a vision but I was told by the Holy Spirit that I should go into the world and bless the needy, orphans and helpless with the wealth the almighty God had used to bless I and my late husband. The vision seemed so confusing and I was so bothered that I had a 3days fasting and prayer over it(even though the hospital wasn’t happy about that due to my condition) and then I had another dream that was divinely interpreted to my understanding.
So now I’ve decided to do as the lord has directed and I believe you are the one to help me accomplish this, forget about the distance between us for with God all things are possible, I wish you could be someone I can trust with all my heart to make this come to pass despite my prayers over you before I contacted you. I know this is a lot to take in but I know the Holy spirit who led me to you will give you the foresight to know that this genuine and essentially important and it will be a miracle to the lives of those who will benefit from this. Do reply my email telling me more about yourself and your christian life and note that God has a great reason for leading me to you and I will be grateful if you heed to the call of the Lord. Be blessed.
Now it seems like they did not even bother to read my messages but only copy-pasted the same shit that they might be sending to hundreds or thousands of other prospective victims. Nevertheless, I move on:
Aha, so it was the Holy Spirit after all. I was pretty sure it must have been Archangel Gabriel because he also appeared to me, not long ago, and had me aware that a good old lady is going to contact me soon so to undertake a holy mission together. I was waiting for your message Mrs. Carol Wilson. You can trust me with all your heart.
About my Christian life, I must be frank with you Mrs. Wilson. I confess. I have led a sinful life. For most of my life, wealth and earthly pleasure was what I mostly cared about. I used to earn a lot of money by insidious and treacherous means, hurting a lot of other people in the process. I was a liar, a bully, a scammer, and a foul sinner. I was making a lot of money and then I was spending them in shameless coke-LSD-and-whores orgies. Until my life took a sharp turn…
It was on that morning, 4 years ago, when I woke up and, instead of that naked Thai babe I remembered lying together with the previous night… yes, Mrs. Wilson, you guessed it right… Saint Christophorus Cynocephalus was lying by my side. It was a great miracle. My life completely changed after this. I was obliged to follow the path of God. I donated all my fortune to a charity organization for former whores in the third world and I dedicated my life to the Real Religion in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ the Magnificent, under the spiritual guidance of Father Agathodorus. Ever since I have established a very good connection with many Saints and Angels; I have even chatted a little with Jesus in person in a couple of instances. You may rest assured that my prayers carry a lot of weight, Mrs. Wilson.
Tell me about the mission, good Mrs. Wilson. How would you like to dispose of your $5,000,000? Would you perhaps like me to donate them on your name to the organization for the abused whores of the third world?
Now it became pretty patent that they didn’t read an iota of what I wrote to them. Or if they did, they’re such losers that they didn’t understand that I’m just taunting them. So they proceeded:
My beloved friend, thank you for replying my email and I understand all that you said, I know that we both don’t know each other but the God we serve is the Omnipotence and Omniscience and like the bible says in Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations” so I am trusting you because the Lord said so and we both know that God is never mistaken, neither is he ever wrong. Initially when I had the first dream, I prayed to God for a helper who would assist me in accomplishing this mission of God because I am presently bedridden here at the hospital and as you know there isn’t much I can do from here, so in my second dream God made me to understand that he will lead me to someone worthy of this and that the person would be a total stranger so I should go into the world and search that the holy spirit will bring me to the person.
At my present condition I was confused on how I was going to go into the world and meet this stranger that the lord wants to assist me in accomplishing his mission, so I prayed again some nights ago and then I decided to go on to instagram and search randomly since instagram has people from around the world, I got about 62 profiles and I prayed over them all and you know what’s great? among all the profiles I picked, it was yours that the Lord vividly chose to distribute this funds as a sacrifice from me directed by the almighty God to the world. I want you to see this as a means of you being committed to the Lord and this will make you closer to him as well and I am very sure that he must certainly have a reason why he wants you to do this on his behalf and mine.
Please I want you to be strong and have faith in yourself and also remember that if God brings you to it, then he’ll surely see you through it and I know you can do it as I see you doing it right among everyone else. Hope I read from you soonest and make sure that you never forget me in your prayers as I believe miracles still do happen but I am not afraid to die if it is the will of God because this world is not our home, we are all just passing through, our real home is in heaven like jesus said in John 14:2 “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you”. Kindly get back to me via email and also make a prayer over this and you will feel the holy spirit leading you to do this, God will not come down to call his own people, he will send someone to you and now he has sent me to you. God bless you and your household abundantly in his riches, Amen.
I was a little late to respond to this one. So they anxiously sent me a message on Instagram to make sure I follow up. Sure I did:
Yes, Mrs. Carol Wilson, I received your mail. In fact, the Archangel had already sent it to me before via spirit-cloud.
Let’s get rolling Mrs. Wilson. We have a mission to carry out. I’m waiting for your holy instructions, which I know is the Holy Spirit’s instructions. How must we proceed?
And they soon carry on with executing the mission:
Heavenly greetings to you my dearest in the Lord, I want you to know that I really wish to speak to you through the phone but ever since I got transferred to the hospital here, I haven’t been able to make calls outside the country because my phone line doesn’t have international calling and because of my ill state I didn’t think it was necessary, this is why I do all my communications via email and I do that using the hospital’s desktop computer. However I think that we can both plan and arrange for you to come visit me here at the hospital after I have had my money transferred to you so when you come we can discuss about how the funds will be distributed. This mission of you helping me in distributing my fund to the less privilege, needy and orphans is the will of God, so I ask that you handle this mission with care and the fear of God.
More-so I want you to try and send a picture of yourself to me so I always visualize you properly in my mind when I dream and when I pray, I don’t know how to take a picture of my present state and attach it on this computer but I asked one of the workers here at the hospital to help me and so she did, I have attached a picture of me in this email and I hope you find it. Everyone here is nice to me and they are very diligent at their work and they take good care of me.
I will check my diary for the information you need to contact my bank for the release of my funds to you for the said purpose, I have informed my bank and lawyer about making you the beneficiary to my account with them. As to the source of the money, I must let you know that my husband was a great industrialist and at the time he retired he sold of his investments and shares and we both decided to deposit the money in the bank as a fixed deposit over a period of time because we already had enough to live on, we were never interested in material things and as so lived only to magnify the name of the lord.
You and I were picked out of the whole population of the world, not that we are the first to embark on such a journey but because God wants to use us as a vessel to bless his children who are in need and helpless, so I want you to say “I am the chosen one” because that what we are. Please do not discuss this to anyone until my funds have been transferred to you, this is what the lord instructed due to security reasons, it’s you and I for now, all we need is trust, honesty, faith and obedience. I wait to hear from you and as always do keep me in your daily prayers.
(I’m very sorry about this real old lady whose pictures were used by those pricks)
So I reply, attaching, as instructed, a picture of (or maybe not?) me:
Alright, Mrs. Wilson. I have also attached a picture of mine. It is an old picture. One of the very few I have of myself actually. Sorry if it is a bit… hm… un-Christian. The thing is that after my enlightenment I completely stopped taking pictures of myself. Father Agathodorus says that it is a work of Satan.
Ok, go ahead, Mrs. Wilson. How shall we proceed? Should I tell you my bank account number so you transact the money to me? As soon as I receive them, I will come to visit you right away. Or do you maybe need me to send you some money first to pay the lawyer and stuff so to disengage the money from the account? I know that this is often the case when money is in a fixed deposit. If this is the case also now, do not hesitate to ask me, Mrs. Wilson. I can wire you all money I have straight away. I was going to donate them to charity anyway. So it’s better we use them up to disengage your husband’s funds and help many more people in this afflicted world than I could have done myself. Jesus is going to be so freaking proud of us, Mrs. Wilson! I don’t have a lot of money at the moment. It is about $8000. I hope it is enough. But if not, let me know and I’m sure I will find a way to work out some more.
May God repay you all this terrible torture you are living through now with lots of bliss, Nectar and Ambrosia, and virgins in paradise Mrs. Wilson.
And to my surprise, even after this, the fools answer again:
Glory be to God almighty who has been faithful and just to us, as I said in my last email to you, I have written out the information you need to get in touch with my bank, they are presently waiting to read from you before processing everything and I’ve explained the whole situation to them so they’ll will be transacting with us online due to the distance between us all. So kindly send to them the below information, your name and phone number requesting an open transaction on my account as my newly appointed beneficiary so my funds can be transferred to you after all due process is completed.
Depositors Name: Carol Wilson
Batch no.: 66840090040
Year Deposited: 2004
Secret Question: My Pets name?
Answer: Peace
Security Code: 24-OYE-90600040
Extra Info;
Name on Account: Carol Wilson
Acct number: 7517368635
Routing number: 031100102
Account Type: Fixed Deposit Account
Mother’s Maiden Name: None
Date of Birth: 12th April, 1945
State of Residence: Sydney, Australia
Country: Australia
Previous Next of Kin: David Wilson(deceased)
The above information is vital and confidential so please write it out and keep it safe for reference purpose, I also attached a copy of my Certificate of Deposit to this email as it will be needed by the bank for verification and authorization, here is the bank’s email address;
May God continue to direct our step and may he help us to complete this mission to the glory of his name, let me know when you have emailed them, Stay Blessed.
So I title a new email ‘Bringing the bacon home to God’ and send it to this new address above:
Hello there, Mr. banker! What’s up? How’s the speculation going? Good profits? Have screwed some folks up lately?
I’m really sorry to let you know, I understand you need dough for investments and stuff, but I’m going to put you 5 million in the hole.
I’m contacting you on behalf of good moribund Mrs. Carol Wilson and Lord Jesus Christ our Savior. Poor Mrs. Wilson is bound to kick the bucket soon and God has demanded that you withdraw her late husband’s $5,000,000 and bring them over to me for a secret holy mission. Please do not insist to learn more about it. The particulars of the mission are strictly confidential between me, fated Mrs. Wilson, and the Holy Spirit. Only the latter would have the authority to tell you more about it, but I suppose It doesn’t like the bankers kind much.
Anyway, tell me, Mr. banker, how will you deliver me the dough? Please be quick because the Holy Spirit is impatient. Don’t risk having It’s wrath unleashed onto you. Mind you, there are deep dark caverns with fire-spitting daemons with fine-edged harpoons down there… That’s what It told me to say to you.
Here is the information Mrs. Wilson requested me to pass on to you:
…
And I follow up with a mail to Mrs. Wilson straight away:
What’s up, Mrs. Wilson? Is the end getting nigh? May good God make sure that it will not be extremely painful for you.
I contacted the goddamned banker. I told him to be quick because the Holy Spirit has threatened with tortures and stuff in hell otherwise. That isn’t true – I didn’t speak with It lately – but Father Agathodorus says it’s always an effective way of persuasion. Just in case the banker asks you, do please tell him that the Holy Spirit told you the same. It will be more convincing like this. I know that lying is a sin, but l’ opera loda l’ artefice.
I will let you know when I have news from him. You need be strong for a little longer Mrs. Wilson. Imagine what a disaster it would be if you die before the transaction is carried out.
And Mrs. Wislon says:
Dear Lord, You have poured water on a dry and thirsty land – You have poured out rivers of living water into my heart and streams in the desert of my soul and I praise and bless Your holy name. Loving Lord my Country has forgotten You and has turned her back on You Who are the only source of blessings – and we have sown the bitter winds of wrath and are beginning to reap the whirlwind – for we have turned aside from the truth of the gospel and have tried to drink the brackish waters in the broken cisterns of our lives.
Look down in pity on my country and may Your eyes search to and fro and seek out those that know and love the truth – and Father in Your grace and pity, pour out blessings on our land and those that love You – for the sake of Your only beloved Son, who died to rescue us all. Bless my land and bless my people and bless me I pray in Jesus name,Amen.beloved for you to get fast respond from the bank,contact the bank through this email ([email protected])
Note: Later on I found that part of this message was copy-pasted from a Christian blog. I was informed about that by that website’s owner. Here I drop a link to the original source of this text.
And the banker says, in a mail crammed up with logos, signatures and other symbols of officialism besides the text below:
Dear Beneficiary,
We received a mail fromyouand Mrs Carol Wilson and her attorney which was well understood, She has requested that you become her named NEXT OF KIN(BENEFICIARY)to her money of $5,000,000.00 USDdeposited with us as FIXED DEPOSIT.
Due process has commenced on Mrs.Carol Wilson‘s fixed deposit account of Five Million United States Dollars ($5,000,000.00 USD) deposited with us over a decade ago, we have been instructed by her to follow this procedure through email due to her present ill state and distance, which doesn’t enable her come down to the bank to do this in person, so we want you to know that this transaction will be processed online and every communication between You, Mrs. Carol Wilson, her Attorney(Barr. Shawn Dawson)and the Bank will be transmitted online too via email. This will not be a complex transaction since the owner of the account has made this request personally and has instructed these actions to proceed on her behalf and in her physical absence as long as all due proceeds are met.
Right now you are required to send to us the following details to fill out database and confirm you as the rightful named NEXT OF KIN(Beneficiary) to Mrs. Carol Wilson’sfunds of $5,000,000.00 deposited with this honourable bank. We need you to forward to us,
We need you to forward to us,
#YOUR FULL NAMES, #ADDRESS, #PHONE NUMBER, #OCCUPATION, #MARITAL STATUS, #SEX, #DATE OF BIRTH, #RELIGION #STATE OF ORIGIN, #COUNTRY, #ZIP CODE
ALSO SEND THE BELOW INFORMATION/DOCUMENTS FOR LEGAL ATTESTMENT AND CONFIRMATION;
#DETAILS TO HER ACCOUNT SHE SAID SHE HAD GIVEN YOU #COPY OF HER CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT
NOTE: PLEASE SEND TO US THE DETAILS REQUESTED ABOVE FOR FURTHER PROCEDURE AND PROCESSING AND WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS REGARDS TO THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY/OWNER OF IT AND AS INSTRUCTED BY MRS. CAROL WILSON WE WILL ACT TOWARDS YOUR ACTION AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE YOUR DETAILS. WE ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR SATISFACTION AND SECURITY IS GUARANTEED — WE KEEP OUR WORD. WE THANK YOU AHEAD FOR YOUR COOPERATION AND ANTICIPATION.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.
And I reply to the banker, for one last time, forwarding to him the info he asked me for:
Hey banker! Good answer. The Holy Spirit will surely consider this on the judgment day.
Here I send you all you need:
#FULL NAME: Saint Dimitrius Nicolaus Peter Paul Andromachus Charilaus de Compostela XXVII #ADDRESS: Mount Tymfrestus, Eastern Slope, Cave Entrance by the 16th Pine Tree after the clearest of the brooks #PHONE NUMBER: Have not (Father Agathodorus says telephones are a work of Satan) #OCCUPATION: Preacher, Prophet, Redeemer #MARITAL STATUS: Divorced twice with 6 intramarital kids and some 60 extramarital ones. Currently married to the Holy Spirit #SEX: Angels have no sex you stupid #DATE OF BIRTH: Before Day 1 of Creation #RELIGION: Christian of course. {Come on guys! Seriously? Since when banks ask for fucking religion?? Try to be more professional!} #STATE OF ORIGIN: Heaven #COUNTRY: Heaven #ZIP CODE: Must I tell you that there are no zip codes in Heaven?
And here’s what Mrs. Wilson sent me: …
You better be fast, banker. God is waiting for the bacon….
A number of days passed without hearing anything new from either the banker or Mrs. Wilson. It took quite some time for them to realize that I’m making fun of them. Just to make sure that they totally gave up, I write to Mrs. Wilson one more time:
What’s up Mrs. Wilson? Still alive? I sent everything to the banker but I haven’t heard from him in a while…
And once again:
Am I correct to assume you kicked the bucket, dear Mrs. Wilson?
That was basically it. No answer. May you rest in peace, dear Mrs. Carol Wilson.
Update December 2020: The other day I ran into the same scam on Facebook this time, and in Spanish. I received the following message from an account named Mariam Coulibaly.
